Monologues for Naruto characters
by Enigma of Bishieness
Summary: Featuring all your favorite Naruto characters in stand alone monologues, so read your favorites first, or sequentially, it's all good.
1. Hyuuga

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters that appear in the anime/manga series. I like cake.

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I. Hate. Marshmallows.

It's not that they're not tasty, no. They taste just fine the way they are. But truthfully, there's not really too many occasions that a person can go and enjoy them. It has to _go _with something. It needs to be enjoyed with hot chocolate, or toasted over a campfire, or made into some other concoction made solely for the purpose of saying "Look what else I can do with these things!" You can't just pick up a bag and start popping them, people will look at you funny.

That's not just my opinion. Neji has a secret craving for the stuff; he eats them in his room. Key word is secret, and he keeps it that way. If someone found out that if his favorite after-mission ritual is sneaking off into his room and enjoying the fluffy sweets, that would be the end of his 'mysterious genius' image.

But it's not just that, no. If it were, even _I_ would be able to give it the ol' Hyuuga disdain and let it be on it's merry way. My boyfriend, though I like him very much, just _doesn't_ seem to understand that there's only so many times a girl can have her eyes compared to sweets before she passes out from saccharine overdose. If that even exists. "…and your lips as rosy as…well, and your eyes, as creamy, and as white as… as… as marshmallows! Yes, and so rich and sweet and…" and it sure takes all of my self control not to scream in frustration. Just thinking about the things makes me want to burn something.

Actually, that's not a bad idea at all.

If you'll excuse me, I must be off. There's a bag in my cousin's room that needs to be set on fire.


	2. Akimichi

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters that appear in the anime/manga series. I like cake.

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I haven't forgotten that night, Ino. The chuunin exams, you know? I think that was the first time I honestly realized that I had fallen for you, and I could have sworn that you were beginning to fall for me too.

I suppose I first began to take note of you during that same exam. Hidden Sand's chuunin exam sure was rough, wasn't it? I'd just gotten permission from Hokage-sama not two months before to finally start training and taking missions after that Sasuke recovery mission, the red pill's effects finally completely gone from my body.

You, Sakura, and I had been put in the same team to enter the tournament. That cloud genin team we went up against really were something, weren't they? In the end, I needed to take the blue pill again, just to give us a shot at surviving the encounter. Fortunately, that was enough. The side effects alone were more than enough to overwhelm me the rest of the night.

I still remember Sakura frantically trying every medical ninjutsu she could recall to try to help me. You sat there, fueling Sakura with your own chakra, and held my hand, wiping the sweat off my brows, telling me everything was going to be okay. Coughing up my blood all over the two of you didn't seem to faze you at all, you merely held on tighter, and at that moment, blurred as my vision was, I saw you, just you. The most beautiful, most _perfect_ creature god ever created, and at that moment, it couldn't matter less that you were covered with dirt, blood and tears. I would hang onto life with every scrap of my willpower, because the goddess in front of me didn't want me to die.

We cruised through the rest of the exams rather smoothly. Of course, a near death experience sometimes skews one's perception of exactly how smooth an event went. Nevertheless, we were all pleasantly excited, if not wholly unsurprised, to be awarded the rank of chuunin. The awarding ceremony went by in a blur, and the party afterwards will forever be engrained in my memory.

You were so radiant that night; I couldn't have noticed anything else if an entire barbecue buffet had been set out. I wondered why not a single other nin had approached you, but the tears falling silently from your eyes soon told me all I needed to know.

Following your gaze, I saw Shikamaru dancing serenely, holding Temari lightly, as they savored each other's closeness. You ran from the ballroom as they shared a kiss, but I followed you outside. I found you and tried to comfort you, tried to tell you that things would be okay. It was awkward enough for me already, but you suddenly leaned into me, sobbing into my chest. I wasn't quite sure what to do in that situation. I held you and let you cry for as long as you wanted.

When you finished, I gently dropped my jacket upon your shoulders. We sat together on the curb, and stayed quiet the whole time. The silence told me more than words ever could. You didn't push me away when I comforted you, you accepted me as a friend and allowed yourself to drop the 'I don't need anybody else' attitude, allowed me to see past the invincible kunoichi and find the true Yamanaka Ino, the girl that had willingly entrusted her emotions with boys she could never have.

The music had begun to wind down. The faster, exciting beats had given way to slower, more passionate songs. You took my hand, and stood in front of me with the saddest, and yet, most enchanting blue orbs I've ever seen you wear in all the time we were teammates. I knew, for some strange reason, exactly what you wanted. I stood, and placed my hand on your back, and found your hand on my shoulder. I was more than just nervous, that I'd screw up and step on your foot, of all things. I could hear the beat in my head. One-two-three, One-two-three. A simple waltz, but that didn't stop my heart from beating so hard, that I could have sworn the people still inside the ballroom could have heard it. You softly rested your head upon my chest, coincidentally in the same spot you had been crying into earlier, and I felt myself relax, as if your head, your body had some magical soothing properties that could calm the entire wave of emotions that I had unknowingly built up tonight.

We danced until the very last song. I couldn't take my eyes off you. Your cerulean globes had me entranced, your strawberry lips enticed me to do what I never had the courage to even consider. I was still quite unsure if I even had a chance to kiss you, let alone how I was to work up the nerve to attempt to do so. You made my decisions for me.

Bliss, I decided, had nothing at all on what I was experiencing. I tasted orange, something wholly unexpected, but certainly very pleasant. We stood there for what seemed like hours, partaking in each other until finally, if by some unspoken agreement, separating slightly. You were smiling. I suddenly realized that this was quite possibly the first time you had ever smiled for me.

I rather enjoyed the feeling.


	3. Lee

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters that appear in the anime/manga series. I like cake.

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A/N: Umm, okay. So, like, the first two pretty much wrote themselves. Hell, the Chouji monologue totally took an idea I didn't even consider as I started writing and worked itself out. Unfortunately, here's where things get tricky, and where I usually am unable to keep going. I'll write maybe 3/4ths of a chapter, decide I don't like it, and never attempt it again. So if this suddenly stops getting updated, you'll know why.

And please don't ask me where the ideas for this one came from. I honestly don't know, and I don't really need to…

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So I'm walking along the road from my favorite training area to Gai-sensei's house, right? And, you know, right away, I can just tell that something's gonna go wrong today. I can just tell it. How? Well, you see, whenever something goes bad around me… I can feel it. Before it happens, I mean. And then all of a sudden I'm like picking up these clues left and right until it hits me. POW! Just hits me.

So naturally, my incredibly youthful spirit immediately detects my first clue. Now, not a whole lot of people know this, but I'm a very large fan of detective stories. Gumshoes, magnifying lenses, and even the beige trenchcoats just get my heart pumping and there's no feeling in the world quite like it. Of course, I'd prefer a green trenchcoat myself, but… Anyhow, Gai-sensei always tells us that a shinobi must be helpful, so of course I'm going to crack this case and fix the problem, or my name isn't Rock Lee, the beautiful Azure Beast of Konoha.

Anyhow, so we're back to the first clue. It's a shoeprint. All the best clues are. I pull out my trusty magnifying lens. This case is going to be a doozy, I can feel it. I examine the shoeprint. I look it up and down. It takes me mere moments to realize the significance of this particular shoeprint. _There's just one shoeprint!_ I'm ecstatic, I've just blown this case wide op… oh forget it. There's the other one. Back to the shoeprint again.

I examine it closely this time. Don't want to make another rookie mistake like before. _We're looking at a size 7 shoeprint. Female, with high heels, most likely, judging by the heel. Estimated average female with an average size 7 foot would be of average height, average weight, average hair color… _I look over the shoeprint again. The sleuth inside me is still rattling off details. My youthful spirit stirs. This isn't the time for facts, it's time for action! I follow the shoeprints and it takes me directly in front of Gai-sensei's door.

I have an epiphany. There's the shoeprints leading to the door, but none leaving it. I hurry around to the other side of the house. Nothing. That rules out any possibility of the owner of the shoeprint leaping over Gai-sensei's house. She's inside. _Whoa there, cowboy!_ My inner sleuth interrupts me. _There's a possibility that it could be a man wearing a female shoe that's inside Gai's house. _I recoil. The thought had never entered my mind. What if, some man broke into Gai-sensei's house wearing female shoes, did whatever it is he came to do, and left? Or even worse, what if he's in there, waiting for Gai-sensei or me to come home, plotting unspeakable plots, thinking unthinkable thoughts, and all around being a rouge, a villain, a rascal, a scoundrel, a bad guy?

_Stay calm, Lee, you're in full control of the situation_. The sleuth told me. I agreed, hesitantly. I ran back around the house. The very image I dread now fills my eyes. Gai-sensei's footprints also end at his door. How could I have missed it the first time around? I examine the footprint. It's fresh. I touch the dirt. Fresh. I taste it. Nope, still fresh. I hear the most dreadful sound I've ever heard in my life. It sends chills down my spine, and my heart skips a beat, all in one. It was a moan. Not just any moan, either, but a true moan of agony, one that is emitted only by creatures reduced to nothing but their most basic emotions, such as anger, pain, and fear. What's worse, it's Gai-sensei's voice. I can recognize it anywhere, I'm not his prized student for nothing.

I focus chakra into my legs. My inner sleuth breaks out the magnums. I pause. What the heck is a magnum? I shake myself out of it. This wasn't the time for questions, I'm going to save Gai-sensei!

I kick the door down. There's nobody there. Another moan. It's upstairs. I rush up. Once more the dreaded sound comes out. No mistaking it, it's coming from Gai-sensei's room. Has the villain ambushed my poor sensei in his own room? Oh, the injustice, the great wrongdoing! A man's home is his castle, but it should not have to be protected like one. I kick this door down too.

My eyes deceive me. It cannot be. My poor sensei's wrists are all tied up to his bedposts, and he has been stripped to his barest undergarments! My youthful passion burns with the flame of a thousand forest fires. I spot the culprit, still at the scene of the crime, she's… wearing… nothing?

Anko-sensei looks up, surprised and confused. So is Gai-sensei. My mind fails to register the scene my eyes are taking in.

GAI-SENSEI!

LEEEEEEE!

Gai-sensei's glaring at me. That's not good. He usually punches me when he glares like that. Good thing his hands are tied, I suppose. All of a sudden, it hits me. POW! Again. Another epiphany. That's twice in one day, a new record.

I realize, all of a sudden, that things are not as they seem. _They never are._ Gai-sensei was evidently not in any real trouble, after all. I try to back out of the room slowly.

"LEE!" My sensei yells at me. "DO THREE HUNDRED LAPS AROUND KONOHA!"

"Y-YES, SIR!"

"TWO THOUSAND SIT UPS!"

"YES SIR!"

"AND THREE THOUSAND JUMPING JACKS!"

"YES SIR!"

"AND GET OUT!"

"YES SIR!"

I retreated from the room hastily. As I go to run my three hundred laps, I could faintly hear Anko-sensei speaking.

"Well, that sure killed the mood."


	4. Inuzuka

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters that appear in the anime/manga series. I like cake.

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A box. Two thousand four hundred centimeters. Cubed. Light, made of Ash wood. Specifically done so. He always did love ash trees.

You couldn't possibly imagine how great an effect this box has on a person. On me. You couldn't possibly step into my shoes and just _understand_ exactly why I've dreaded seeing this box, I've always dreaded one day having to see a box like this.

I'll tell you the reason why this box came into my possession. I was an idiot. I was too proud, and too stubborn, and now the price is paid. The guilt is quite overwhelming. Hana always did remind me to think with the right head, and what do I do? Blow her off and assume everything will work out in the end.

I was angry. I didn't have a right to be, but at the time, I believed I did. They were holding me back, I reasoned. I had more power than both the ANBU that were sent to 'assist' me on the mission. Probably more battle experience than the two rookies put together, as well. It was a simple assassination mission. How could it go wrong? Where would I possibly need the assistance of these two greenhorns?

I told them to back off. Stand aside and watch as the hotshot jounin went and cut himself a head right off the shoulders of Lightning-hands Suzuhara, leader of the Steel bandits of Thunder Country. He'd avoided hunter-nin for five years before leaving Thunder country, nobody knows why. Just that he's finally within Konoha's jurisdiction, and all Konoha wanted was the bandit dead, so that it can deal another blow to the nearly-bankrupt Cloud Village. Of course, the two ANBU objected. They were under orders to assist me in killing Suzuhara. So obviously I had to ditch them in the middle of the night. Just as easily done as said, by the way. Evidently anyone with a Leaf forehead protector was automatically not a threat. Apply some sleeping gas and they're out like a light.

Tracking down Suzuhara was easier for me than for most others. The smell of electrical burns on flesh is not one that easily goes away. He had just killed. I found him, still in the process of looting what he could from the caravan he had just taken down, apparently single-handedly.

How he detected my presence, I don't know. But he spun around and before I fully comprehended the situation was all over me with quick taijutsu punches to the gut and a flurry of kicks designed to damage my knees and ankles. I never had a chance. He grabbed me and threw me into a tree, and I felt lightning course through my body. I could barely drop a few smoke bombs before Scrambling a few feet away. My head was spinning. I faintly recall him saying something, but his words didn't register. His tone, however, was more than enough. Gloating, mocking, and surely victorious. Had he found me already? The smoke hadn't even begun to show signs of fading yet.

All of a sudden I experienced pain, beyond that of physical barriers. It was as if someone had put their hand directly through my heart, I _felt _it. Yet I instantly knew something had gone wrong. I was not injured at all. There was no arm protruding from my chest. But I smelled blood. It took me seconds to realize what it was.

The bastard killed Akamaru. Moments after I had dropped the smoke bombs, Akamaru must have transformed into me, and acted as a decoy, hoping to buy me some time. He was dead now. Hate as I'd never felt before surged through my body. I went insane, I wanted to _kill_, and charged Suzuhara. He never even saw me.

His head went first. I twisted his head in practically a full circle, and tore it clean from his body. He died on the spot. That wasn't enough for me. His arms went next, and then the legs. I separated every limb from his body. Then I flooded his torso with chakra. I threw every last drop I had in there until it exploded. Finally, the stench of blood and death overwhelmed my adrenalin rush, and I collapsed, sobbing.

The rest is all a blur. Reporting the mission, getting chewed out by the Hokage, Handcrafting the coffin for Akamaru, and finally burying him. It still hasn't gotten easier to deal with his death, but it doesn't have to be.

Akamaru, wherever you are, I know you'll be watching over me. I'll make you proud. I'll make sure another friend never has to sacrifice his life the way you did, to save me. I just hope you'll forgive me one day. May you rest in peace.


	5. Sabaku

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters that appear in the anime/manga series. I like cake.

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This is it. No turning back. The perfect opportunity present, the perfect target unsuspecting. This feels like the first time I assassinated someone all over again. I could hear my own heart beating, with excitement, at the prospect of completing my mission.

There he is. Standing below me, my victim is completely unawares of the situation he is in. To be caught unawares of the threat Gaara of the Sand poses? Hah, the ignorance of this fool. Then again, I suppose I could always chalk it up to my own incredible shinobi ability. I've done this countless times before, just sneak up, get the job done, and leave. Nobody ever knows what hit them until it's too late.

As I examine closer, a feeling of dread passes over me. A possibility exists of me being discovered. There is an unknown threat within my sights. Another person, communing with my victim. And staring directly at me. Is she friend or foe? This person was not in my mission briefing, the scouts must have missed this one. The signal is so discreet, I almost miss it. The slightest of winks was given to me. So she's a friend then, a distraction while I get my job done. Her sandy hair bounces as she nods, listening to the sheep chatter, completely unaware of it's immediate destruction. Just made this mission easier. I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

I dump the entire bucket of water all over Kankuro and run.


	6. Uchiha

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters that appear in the anime/manga series. I like cake.

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My arm hurt. I didn't care. There were more pressing matters at hand. A broken arm and some blood were the least of my worries. My position had been discovered. I thought my hiding place was perfect. Undetectable. Then some leaf ANBU came over and picked a fight. I made it through, killing all of the ANBU, but if I was so easily found just hours outside the relative safety of Sound village, how many more would I encounter within the next day, the next week?

And even all those problems took the back seat compared to the ringing in my ears. Damn, this is bad. That last shinobi I killed managed to slice me with a kunai moments before the hole in his stomach killed him. I could have sworn I heard him laughing, even after he had collapsed. What the hell. The ringing in my ears just didn't stop. And I had a queer feeling that I had seen that mask before, but I could not recall where.

The ringing only grew louder. I could barely stand at this point. It hurt so much that I could barely see straight. I tried to support myself by holding onto a wall, but I could barely even feel it, the ringing had turned into shrieking by now. I stumbled around for moments, before collapsing near the corpse of the nin I had killed last.

Something clicked. I could only recall seeing a shade of gray on hair once before in my life. At least I assumed it was hair. My vision was totally shot and I could barely make out the shape of his head. I felt around and pulled off his mask, and could have screamed.

Two blurs, one black, one red. Unmistakably, this was Hatake Kakashi. I felt a faint sense of satisfaction that I had killed him, but my recollection of him using his last fading strength to slice my forehead began to worry me. Where was the kunai he had used? What did he do?

Slowly, a guess formed inside my head. That _bastard. _He couldn't have done something so… so _low_. Creating an attack with just one specific intention, saving it just for me. His way of undoing all the teachings he had bestowed upon his 'prized student'. This was much more than just hitting below the belt. I would have killed the man for this if he were still alive. But alas, he was not.

Laying there listlessly, I soaked in my sweat as my worries proceeded to prove to me that once again, my suspicions were correct. By now the ringing had taken over all my thought processes. I wasn't even in enough control of myself to knock myself out, or commit suicide. Nor was I able to black out from the pain.

Abruptly, the ringing stopped. My body's spasms slowly died down. I tried to tell myself that I was wrong, but I knew I was lying to myself. The results of Kakashi's last attack achieved exactly the results I had suspected. I laughed wretchedly. I suppose there wasn't a whole lot to do in this situation, but still, I was mildly surprised at the total helplessness I found myself experiencing.

The bastard's poisoned kunai had left me blind.

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A/N: To those that took the time to leave reviews, thanks, guys. Writing for the sake of writing is fun, but it's always nice to know that someone else enjoyed your stuff.


	7. Sahbakuu

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters that appear in the anime/manga series. I like cake.

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My first impression of him was that he was loud, obsessive, and completely unprepared for the chuunin exams. Who the heck was his Jounin sensei, and why had they let him in the exams? To distract the foreign shinobi and give Konoha the upper hand? I suppose there were worse plans. I added lucky to my first impressions after watching his fight in the preliminaries. Lucky to be facing an even louder, larger braggart that was coincidentally proving his worthlessness by wasting time taunting his opponent _before_ finishing him off. Lucky to survive so many hits that certainly didn't look weak in any way. And lucky enough to accidentally find an exploitable weakness in his opponent just as he needed it.

When I saw him again, he was fighting against the boy with the white eyes. Once again crudely imitating human punching bags, he and his clones managed to unveil the secret to the Hyuuga's power. With their Byakugan, they were able to see further around them than normal eyes. Not only that, but they were able to see through physical objects, and see chakra paths in human bodies as well. And using it in conjunction with their fighting style, they could seal away an opponent's chakra. Of course, Naruto found this out the hard way, and could barely stand with all his chakra gone. _Oh well,_ I supposed. _He had a good run, but he was totally outclassed._

Evidently I was mistaken. How he could still access chakra, I have no idea. But the sheer power of the chakra that he was releasing made me flinch. He emitted so much that it was _visible_. He then proceeded to go toe-to-toe with the other boy, until finally, the two initiated an explosion that put craters in the stadium. When the blonde nailed the arrogant gloating idiot in the chin, I could barely stifle my laughter. I revised my opinion of him quite a bit. Although he was still loud, perhaps he _had_ been ready for the exams after all. The sheer determination and raw stamina did, in a way, make up for his lack of skill and style.

The most important thing, however, was when he fought my brother. Once that pink haired girl had been caught in Shukaku's deformed claw, Naruto's entire attitude changed. He was focused, clever, and _powerful_. I'd never seen anyone even create that many normal bunshin, let alone the physical type that he'd employed. Over and over he battered Gaara, until my brother unleashed Shukaku's complete form. _Oh great, we're dead_, I remember thinking. Naruto especially, because he'd been caught in a desert coffin. Just as he was about to die, he does the unthinkable, again. Summons the largest toad I'd ever seen in my life.

The rest is all a blur. I just remember running as far as I can from the two monsters before I was squashed. Who the heck has that much chakra to put up such a fight, especially against Gaara? And for who? For what? A stupid pink haired girl that wouldn't even give him the time of day? If a boy was willing to lay his life on the line and protect me, I certainly wouldn't have any qualms about whether or not he was loud and silly.

But the true effects of Naruto's fight with Gaara we didn't fully appreciate until long after we had left Fire country's territory. Gaara had become… human again. He still had a lot of catching up to do in the personality department, but he was far less dangerous and psychotic to us. And I felt thankful to Naruto, for inspiring such a change within my brother.

It wasn't until later that I realize that I was not merely thankful. I had slowly been falling for the boy. An enemy of ours, as well, who had never even spoke a full sentence to use before, and I was falling for him. I fell for him because of what he accomplished, what he stood for, and what compassion he showed, not just to his friends, but to strangers and his enemies as well. He was willing to go out of his way and try to change what he thought was wrong regardless of who it was inflicted upon. He was willing to lay down his life to protect people that he loved, regardless of the consequence. I'd met far too many selfish people over the years to not appreciate a selfless person when I saw one.

I never did get a chance to thank him for what he'd done, or tell him how he made me feel. By the time the Sand council got off their high and mighty horses and offered their strongest genin team as an olive branch, we had just enough time to get there and save the Uchiha retrieval squad from certain death. I didn't see him myself, but I'd heard that Naruto took far too many critical wounds and wasn't taking any visitors. So it was certainly a surprise when he disappeared from the hospital, and I didn't hear any mention of his return for three years. By the time he had, and all the dust finally settled, he was seeing the silly pink-haired girl.

I suppose I should have felt more heartbroken. However, Naruto was happy. My consolation was that, by keeping my own feelings for him aside and letting him have his happiness with that Sakura girl, I could possibly one day be as selfless as he is. Perhaps one day I can be as happy as him, as well.

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A/N: Argh, my brain froze down yesterday and I couldn't express what I was trying to say at all. Every sentence came out as slop. Today was slightly better, so I'm taking a chance and posting this. It feels much longer than my other stuff, for some reason. Also, I seem to have subconsciously developed the need to break the 5k word barrier in one chapter, so that's another possible reason why this thing was so long. And crappy.

Anyhow, as you may or may not have noticed, I'm doing characters from all five of the genin teams of Konoha and Suna. So this chapter is about the halfway point for Monologues… if this were the only set I had planned. Unfortunately, I seem to have mentally developed monologues for many other characters, so there will be a second set of monologues posted separately. Might even throw some of the stuff that I scrapped this time back in there. If not, I'll finish them and post a separate omake. So what I'm basically trying to say is, monologues don't just stop at chapter 15. I'll make you people sick of them yet. )


	8. Yamanaka

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters that appear in the anime/manga series. I like cake.

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I believe this mission is going to be what's commonly known as 'the pits'. There's a very high possibility that before the day is out, I'll have been required to beat one or both of my useless teammates senseless. Our team isn't meant for frivolous tasks such as house painting. Nevertheless, evidently, this is all that genin are fit to do.

So as luck would have it, today just so _happens _to be the day that I have to wear one of my brand-new dresses to a mission because I procrastinated and didn't do my laundry, leaving me with nothing else to wear. It also happens to be the day where three lucky genin and a walking cancer stick have the fabulous, once-in-a-lifetime chance to paint a house! Oh, _joy. _I was saving this dress for my first date with Sasuke-kun, too…

Now things actually went a bit smoothly at first, when we only painted the spots that we could reach. We then realized that there was a slight problem. In our mission contract, we had unfortunately agreed to paint not just the arm's reach of the genin, but the entire house. In theory, smoke-stack-sensei could have painted the entire top part and finished before all three of us anyhow, but he insisted that this mission was for us alone, since D-rank missions are to help genin build teamwork. Funny how he still gets paid for our work.

So the bum gets an idea. He suggests that since we're each unable to reach that high alone, and Chouji's multisize jutsu burns too much chakra to paint the entire area we still missed, we should all stand on each other's shoulders and have the top person paint it. Naturally, that job just _coincidentally_ falls to me. I mean, I suppose in the way he explains it, it does make perfect sense. Chouji's on the bottom because neither one of us can support his weight. And I'm on top because I'm just so much lighter than Shikamaru is.

So I'm painting the house, and actually making good time. If we keep this speed up, we'll be done by two in the afternoon. Not bad. My mind starts wandering. That's the ugliest paint color I've ever seen anyone use in my life. The clouds are nice. I think I'll have barbecue pork when I get home. And Shikamaru seems to be snoring.

I do a double take. I look downwards. I'm totally correct. That _bum._ That's why he wanted us to stand on each other's shoulders like this, after all. I was wondering why we didn't just use the ladder we were given for the job. Of course, I have to hand it to him. Who else can figure out a way to get paid for sleeping, and is willing to do it standing up while a person's standing on his shoulders?

At least Chouji seems to be awake. I'm correct in my assumption when he automatically moves after he sees I'm done painting in a particular area. So I go on painting for a while. We're almost done. Shikamaru's even stirring, and Chouji's snacking on some chips. Five more minutes and I'm home free.

Wait. Chips. Chips are greasy. Grease equals slippery. Slippery equals…

"Whoaaaaaaaaa!" I hear Shikamaru yell. His arms start flailing. He manages to regain his balance. I, on the other hand, am holding a paint bucket and a paintbrush. I, therefore, slip and fall. Onto the ground. It was probably too troublesome to catch me. And the bucket falls right on my head.

Chouji stares. Shikamaru stares. The cigarette falls out of Asuma-sensei's mouth and he doesn't even notice. My hair's dyed, my Dress is ruined, my skin is colored, and to top it all off, we were painting with the ugliest shade of Naruto-orange I'd ever seen in my life. Orange hair, orange dress, and soon to be orange shoved down Shika-kun's throat.

"Easy there, Ino, easy…" He backs away slowly. While I'm sure killing a fellow Leaf shinobi is against some sort of Konoha law, I'm sure there's exceptions made for maiming. And there's _definitely_ maiming to be done.

After I'm done with Shikamaru, I start in on Chouji. I draw my kunai, because anything less wouldn't hurt him that much, anyhow. Asuma-sensei stops me, tries to convince me that deflating my teammate will result in permanent D-rank missions for me for the next decade or so. I grab the Jounin's flak jacket and yank him down till we're face level. He's smart, he won't reprimand me when there's paint dripping down my face, he knows better than that. I calmly assert that Ino-san was having a bad day, and it only got worse because of all the paint. Ino-san is never going on another mission involving paint. Is Ino-san understood? Good. Ino-san hopes this experience has been educational.

I knew this mission was gonna be the pits.

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A/N: Okay, so If you haven't seen it by now, I've already posted a preview to _Sex and Sensuality,_ the story I'm gonna be working on when the first fifteen chapters of monologues are done. Just thought I'd stand on my soap box and hype myself. The writing style's gonna be similar to monologues: anything goes. Funny, serious, whatever fits the mood. So drop by and drop me a review, I'd really appreciate it.


	9. Nara

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters that appear in the anime/manga series. I like cake.

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Feh. It's another woman. I'm seriously annoyed as I watch my target closely. A-Class missing-nin, one of Stone village's only genjutsu experts, at least before she defected. I could just imagine the Hokage sitting in her office laughing her ass off. Or chuckling in her sleep, I suppose. I just know she has an entire stack of jobs involving the capture of female missing-nin labeled the 'Shikamaru pile'. It was too troublesome to complain.

I give a quick glance at my surroundings. In a forest, the ninjutsu and taijutsu specialists wouldn't have to worry about finding the ideal battleground to take down another fighter. However, my family jutsu does not give me that leeway. Too high up in the trees, and the jutsu's practically useless. Too low and I'll be discovered too soon. Add in the fact that she's a genjutsu-type, practically effective anywhere in the forest, and I'll be discovered too soon. She's traveling along the mid-level of the forest, so I'll have to stay above her, and then drop down and deliver a quick knockout.

She speeds up, starts leaping straight forwards, not bothering to cover her tracks. I can barely keep track of her, being on another level and trying to chase her. Then again, had my position been compromised? Did she know I was tracking her?

She slows down after some time. I realize it was all just a feint. A rather good one. If a less experienced shinobi tracking her had assumed his position was known, and needed to initiate a confrontation, they would most likely have dropped down to her level to chase her, giving their position away entirely. _She hadn't known I was tracking her at all._ I continue following, until I hit a snag. The forest was beginning to thin out quite a bit, and I was running out of places to hide real fast. No choice then, but to strike.

I toss a kunai at her. It was easily seen, but the moment she tried to deflect it, the explosion tag on the kunai goes off. I circle around to where the explosion should have thrown her. She's obviously not there. I know what's coming already. I wait until the ground beneath me starts rumbling. I leap back as her hands come out of the ground and pull hard on one wrist. I twist her arm behind her back and have a kunai pointed at her neck before she can react.

As she realizes what the metal touching her flesh is, she stops struggling and I'm able to get a good look at her. She's rather pleasant on the eyes, and the sweat and gasping breaths she took from having avoided the explosion and digging underground was doing wonderful things for her body. Soft pale pink tempted me, bringing on a strange desire for me to kiss them. It was too much trouble to stop myself.

I'd never had a woman before, so the things I'd found out were pleasant surprises. I kissed her passionately, conveniently banishing the fact that this was an enemy kunoichi to the back of my mind. It seemed as if she similarly forgot, and after a few moments' hesitance, returned such affections.

I experienced a strange euphoria as we proceeded. I certainly didn't expect to get to second… wait, third base while on this mission. Oh, this will look rather unimpressive on the mission report. "Konoha shinobi loses self control on mission; sexually violates captive." I can see it already. Hokage-sama's definitely putting me through a wall for this.

Except for my underclothes, there was practically nothing between the two of us at the moment. The heat of the moment has been driving me to do so many things I've had no control over, and I'm fairly certain that unless something happened soon, what's left of my clothing would be coming off, too.

She smiled, but not in a kind way. Nor was it induced in a rush of passion. I've seen this before, it's the 'you've just fallen into my trap' smile. I groaned. The lust and euphoria I'd felt moments ago disappeared faster than ramen in Naruto's bowl. Of course, I'd gotten careless and forgotten so many key facts about the mission.

She was a genjutsu specialist, and I knew it. _Typical male shinobi_, she gloated. _A chance to get laid falls into their lap and not a single one of them will pass it up. Even at the expense of their lives._ I was unarmed, and embarrassingly naked. She was unclothed too, but had somehow gotten her hands on my kunai during the… festivities. She shifted her body so as to give me the best possible view, as if to gloat once again _This is why you're losing your life_. She raised the kunai, as if to slit my throat, and then stopped. A surprised look came over her face. I smirked.

_Kage mane no jutsu was a success._


	10. Hyoooogah

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters that appear in the anime/manga series. I like cake.

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What a magnificent day. Out on a glorious training session with my bowl-cut, eternally green-clothed sensei and his sidekick Fuzzy, the walking eyebrow. Add the meatball-head with a curious affinity with sharp objects and our motley crew's complete. Somebody shoot me.

I could have just stayed in bed today. Could have faked a cough and slept till dinner. Instead, I get woken up at around five in the morning by some incredibly loud jackass outside the window yelling something about youth power. It took me a moment to recognize my sensei's voice. I quickly left the Hyuuga complex so the rest of them would stop boring holes into my back with their glares. It was even worse than with normal people, because the rest of the Hyuuga clan could glare through walls.

So I stand by in disbelief as I watch my teammate headbutt a boulder. Evidently it's good training for his head, because he needs to master opening the first gate more effectively. See, now _this_ is why the Hyuugas are just plain superior to Fuzzy's taijutsu. One guy throws his head into a rock, the other guy doesn't. I think we know who has a more impressive training program.

I sigh. I'm bored, and I want to go back and sleep. Sensei catches me slacking. So now I'm running laps while trying to dodge Meatball's throwing weapons at the same time. I really hate training. I'd gladly trade my pride to stop running laps and dodging. Well, at least something can be done about the pointy things flying at me at fairly lethal speeds.

I turn back towards Tenten and toss her my best charming smile and a wink. She turns red like a tomato and is completely flustered now. At least I can stop dodging; her throws are all a mile off. Of course, now I'll have to think up some convenient excuse for turning down her request to get together for lunch.

I kill two birds with one stone and decide to meditate through lunch. This way, Sensei can't yell at me for not working hard, and Tenten will stop trying to talk to me after she realizes I'm asleep. Of course it would stand to reason that whenever I come up with a seemingly effective plan like this, something just has to come along and ruin my day. In this case, it would be Lee.

Now see, normally, I'd take him up on any challenges to spar, simply to shut him up, because he would never stop asking otherwise. However, things are a bit different when you're asleep. So I evidently slept through about half of Lee's 'genius of hard work' rant and how he was going to defeat me one day, before I asked a brilliant question.

"….Hhn….whaaa?"

I pat myself on the back. It had come out all nicely in my head. Tell him that the Jounin exams were in a week, he should be off training, and throw in something random about youths, and he'd be on his merry way. Too bad it got all mangled in my mind-to-mouth translation.

Before I know it, I'm hauled onto my feet for a 'light' spar. I was still half-asleep at this time. Tenten has to set my arms into the Hyuuga opening stance. I could vaguely see something green charging at me. Oh, look a fist. Better dodge that.

I manage to execute a perfect sidestep to the left. Unfortunately, that also happens to be the direction from which Lee's punch was coming from. A nice, soft, _tree _managed to stop my flight across the clearing. Gai, Lee, and Tenten are probably all trying to mentally calculate the distance between pre-fist Negi and post-fist Negi.

I try standing up and nearly trip over my own feet. Okay, still a bit groggy from meditation, and the punching thing didn't help. I think Lee's charging me again. This time, I hop backwards and avoid deciding which way to dodge altogether. He tries attacking at all different angles. My coordination's not completely back and I don't want to risk getting hit again, so it's hard for me to work up a counterattack. I try a Kaiten, because it has a slightly longer range and would probably hit Lee regardless of which way he's coming from.

I never realized what a bad idea a half asleep Kaiten was. So it totally didn't protect me while Lee lands some kind of Rock Lee cross kick or something. Of course, it hurt him more than me, because about a second after, everything within thirty feet of myself managed to catch on fire. The Eyebrow Duo, Meatball, random trees, and even the same boulder Lee was training on. Evidently I had just expended about ten Kaitens worth of chakra on blowing apart the training area.

That's not good at all. It's probably coming out of my paycheck. Oh how I wished I had stayed in bed today.


	11. Haruno

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters that appear in the anime/manga series. I like cake.

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I saw dirt, paint, and disgustingly gaudy orange clothing. I remember taking in the sight with amazement. You were being chased around Konoha again because of the silly stunts you were always pulling. Last week it was the rotten eggs inside all the public bathrooms. The week before, you pulled a stunt too. This time you painted the Hokage monument. And you say you're gonna be a Hokage someday. You really are foolish. Why couldn't you be more like Sasuke? Mature, smart, and much better choice in clothing. You, on the other hand, needed quite a lot of work in the growing up department.

I felt soft cotton, warm arms delicately wrapped around me, and a steady beating of your heart. You held me close as I cried, Sasuke's defection and subsequent death was almost too much for me to bear, but you were there. You, and Kakashi-sensei and the rest of the rookie nine were there to help me through my misery. I thought I loved Sasuke, but he left me, left us all. He took me for granted, took all the support and friendship and teaching that he was showered with like he deserved it all and left us as soon as something that seemed better came along.

I smelled flowers. A large bouquet of red roses, along with assorted wildflowers that certainly could not have been sold at Ino's family shop was thrust upon me proudly. You must have picked them yourself. They really were a mess, the flowers. Arranged in no discernable order, the mismatched pile somehow made _sense_, in your own way. It was comforting, to know that some things will always stay the same, regardless of what form it comes in. I placed the chaotic bouquet in a spare vase and headed out to our very first date. It was much more pleasant than I had expected, and I felt a sense of… longing? I felt like I should have taken advantage of your offers to go out sooner, should have spent my time with someone who would treat me well, instead of pining away idiotically for a boy that would never have me.

I tasted the chocolate-flavored ice-cream you had for dessert, the okonomiyaki we had before that, and various other sweets that we had picked up earlier. Your breath was warm, your arms holding me gently, and your kisses light and a bit teasing. It's a funny coincidence how the winter festival just happened to fall on our three month anniversary, since we became an 'official' couple. We wandered from stand to stand, having the time of our lives. You bought me all the little gifts I could possibly want, treated me like a princess. At the end of the night, we watched as fireworks were set off. You stood behind me and took me into your coat, sharing your warmth with me. You whispered sweet, sweet, meaningless words into my ears. Meaningless because all I could hear, all I _needed _to hear, were words. Just comforting, soothing words, in that special way of yours.

I heard the indistinct mutterings of the crowd. Although the size of the crowd was small, I felt it was rather better that way. It would have been a lot more nerve-wracking had there have been more people. I could hear the faint sniffles coming from behind me. I think that might have been Ino. Paying more attention to the event at hand, I tried to tune out all my thoughts, all my fears. Undoubtedly this will change my life completely, and honestly, I was really scared of it. I could barely remain composed enough to keep myself from fleeing, just to get away from it all. But it would all be over soon. I noticed you out of the corner of my eye. You wore a happy grin, and seemed for all intents and purposes, completely unfazed by the thought of what lay ahead. But then I noticed your shirt collar. It was soaked through, you were sweating that much. I grinned, despite trying to stop myself. I couldn't help it. This was the man I had fallen in love with; the man who would never give up, never give in, because he had learned long ago how to tame his fears, and how to use them to make himself a better person. This was the man that I had agreed to spend the rest of my life with.

Moments later, we shared our first kiss as husband and wife.


End file.
